Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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