he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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