we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
