Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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