took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
