a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
