I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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