Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We need to feng shui this bitch.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
