I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
