Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
