So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think my vagina is haunted
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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