She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Even my vagina gasped.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
