My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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