Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
