i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
