i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
