maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
