Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
