Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
