I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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