So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
