What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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