we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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