K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You ate ashes out of my bong
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
