nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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