The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
