The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
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