distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
