At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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