There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
