I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
