I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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