So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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