Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
