yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
