I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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