Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
