I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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