I got chris browned last night
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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