I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
