i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I could make wine with my vomit
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
