when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
