I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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