it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
