I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
