Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
