its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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