I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
