Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
