Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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