This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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