The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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