At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
